Saucy Brute + the Diamond Wedding Weekend Highlights
1. Dr. the "I'm buying a pitcher per person" Caveman (father of the groom), and Mrs. the "let's talk about how my son and daughter-and-law need good sex" Diamond (mother of the groom)
2. the popularity of our homebrews
3. being in charge of the alcohol
4. watching groomsman nop.bot in fine gay-tor drunken glory, including giving him a shot of water (while the rest of us took real shots)... which then resulted in him puking
5. dance-off with the great poet
6. college football
7. high school football, both the night before and the day after (playing on that hallowed ground)
8. S & J, and their breastfeeding bartender
9. how it was simply a magnified version of our typical lives anyway
10. being a part of the diamond & saucy brute's family
And when you wake up the morning after a wedding with the bridal bouquet in your house... does this mean you've simply done your duty as the best man?
Song of the Day: Bob Dylan - Make You Feel My Love
A similarly blogging friend recently did a post creating a movie soundtrack from one's (randomly shuffled) music. I love music, and I hate astronomy, so I thought I'd kill some time at work with it. The relevant "movie" moment...Wedding scene: Rilo Kiley - Ripchord. Now, at first, I was ridiculously excited, because of my grand scheme to marry Jenny Lewis (see the photo above, from last night's Rilo Kiley show in Tucson... it's a crappy picture, but I was distracted). But then I realized that Jenny Lewis doesn't actually take part in this particular song... instead, it's all done by the lead guitarist, who as a child was Pinski (Budnick's replacement) on Salute Your Shorts. Anyway, not my wife (Jenny Lewis). And then I realized that the lyrics to this song include 'cuz nobody loves you, etc. So much for coincidental fate. Even despite all my carefully laid plans, I am not, in fact, currently wed to Jenny Lewis.In case you're wondering, or are looking to kill some time of your own, the iTunes-randomly-generated soundtrack to my autobiographical movie would go as follows below. I especially like the Driving and Death Scene choices, both of which I might have actually selected.Opening credits: Modest Mouse - Styrofoam Boots/It's All Nice on Ice AlrightWaking up: The Velvet Underground - Pale Blue EyesFirst day of school: The White Stripes - This ProtectorFalling in love: The Who - Happy JackBreaking up: Iron & Wine - Sunset Soon ForgottenProm: Tiger Army - Under Saturn's ShadowMental breakdown: Natalie Merchant w/ Billy Bragg & Wilco - I Was BornDriving: Neil Young - After the Gold RushFlashback: The Beatles - Rocky RaccoonGetting back together: Rage Against the Machine - People of the SunWedding: Rilo Kiley - RipchordBirth of child: Goldfinger - 99 Red BalloonsFinal battle: Counting Crows - Big Yellow TaxiDeath scene: Ben Kweller - Wasted & ReadyFuneral song: Johnny Cash - Flushed from the Bathroom of Your LifeEnd credits: Pavement - Newark Wilderand the song of the day, one past the list (and certainly soundtrack-worthy)... The Beatles - A Day in the Life
Last night I skipped frisbee to play kickball with sooz & her pink team, "drunk again and looking to score." I think I was a solid tribute to the team name:
1. I was a solid drinker... especially when umpiring for the other teams.
2. I scored from third on a suicide squeeze bunt up the third-base line.
3. I told a girl, so, sooz says I should sleep with 3 girls tonight... you can be one.
In dealing with the morning that follows nights like these... it's good to have a blender.
Song of the Day: CAKE - Shadow Stabbing
2 stories, related only because they happened in the same night.
At the grocery store last night, this girl ahead of me is trying to buy like 10,000 things all on some kind of gift card. Her card ends up being short like $35, and she decides to take things off. I can see that I'm in for a long wait, and the pork chops I left in the oven at home are probably going to burn. But instead, the dude right behind her offers to pay the bill. Now did she really not have a credit card or something to take care of it? I'm always suspicious of attractive women like this one who have men do stuff like this for them...
My new (used) road bike has had a slow leak in the front tire. I noticed that the nozzle was a little bent, so I straightened it and it seemed to fix the leak. I bike to work, home, out for a beer with law/latin-american-studies people, and back to work and the tire's staying full... and then when I go to bike home at about 1 am, I find that it's completely flat. So I end up with a long walk home. Apparently the alcoves of the Baptist church up the street from me are the comfortable spots for sleepy bums.
Song of the Day: Wilco - I'm Always In Love
More on Africa...
We spent most of the trip in Botswana. I'm glad we did. Our time in Botswana included:
1. A mini-bus from Jo-burg (South Africa) to Gaborone. I count this as "in Botswana" because all the other people in the combi were Batswana (the Setswana way to say Botswanans). Ox ended up promising his older brother in marriage to a girl who claimed that she would be the star in "Big Mama's House 3!" Afterwards, ox says to me: well, I had to throw my brother out there, because pretty soon it was gonna be us instead. We stood them up at the Bull & Bush that evening, though it was only because we had a train to catch. It's quite sobering to recall that of those girls, 2 probably have HIV.
2. Camping out in the Ntwetwe Salt Pans. It was a completely barren desert, like pictures of the lunar surface. When I woke up in the morning, it was disorienting... nothing but flat unmarked desert in all directions. In case you're wondering, it tasted a lot more like dirt than like salt.
3. The highlight of the trip, a 3-day mokoro (dugout canoe) trip in the Okavango River Delta. Every morning and evening our guide led us from our campsite on hikes out into the bush. This featured elephants (above), warthogs, monkeys, baboons, hippos, giraffes, etc. It was amazing. I also really felt like I gained an understanding of the environment, as the guide pointed out all facets of the landscape and its inhabitants. It was quite different from the jeep-safari way to see wildlife.
Anyway, the people in Botswana were especially friendly. We took public transportation and hitchhiked, and felt generally comfortable even as we stuck out as the only white people around.
Song of the Day: The Decemberists - Sons & Daughters (I challenge you to find another song which uses- and rhymes with- the word "dirigible")
I've been back from Africa for almost 3 weeks, but I only just got a battery charger for my camera and managed to get the photos onto my computer. And I still have a lot to say about the trip.
Pictured above is my friend fiery ox, who just finished up his Peace Corps stint in Lesotho. He decided that he would take two months and just travel, and he asked me if I'd like to join him for some of it. So I did, for two weeks.
We started in Johannesburg, and I was pretty glad to get out of the city. As a whole, South Africa seemed paranoid and uncomfortable. White people were afraid of black Africans, and wealthy blacks were afraid of poor blacks. There probably is a violent crime problem, but I didn't witness it, so I can only comment on the paranoia. It's not very pleasant to walk around neighborhoods where all the homes sit behind 10-foot-tall fences topped with coils of barbed wire. And though all the other southern African countries are far less economically developed, I witnessed a lot more national pride from their citizens than from South Africans.
Plus, they lost my luggage for a day.
Song of the Day: The Strokes - You Only Live Once
My camera battery is completely dead, but I managed to get about half of the pictures from my Africa trip onto my computer. Here's me and a baobab tree outside of Gweta, Botswana.
On an entirely unrelated note: Last night, during a cock-ale-tasting / blender-explosion party, surly barnacle decided that we should coach a pop warner football team. The following roles were quickly agreed upon:
head coach: surly barnacle
offensive coordinator: dirty jersey
defensive coordinator: me
line coach: the cook at bobo's
southern consultant: the diamond
Mustaches required for all the coaching staff. (The moms will love us.)
Film at 6 am, with two-a-days beginning at 8 am. I'll be staying up all night drinking so I can make it in time. The kids will have a lot to learn, with the 300 offensive plays (all featuring variants of the hook & ladder). There will be only defensive play: all-out blitz (including the corners).
Today, while checking out the website:
dirty jersey: 12-15, unlimited weight division: that's what we want. They allowed to be over 170 lbs! That's like my dream: 170+ lb 15-year-olds.
me: yeah, the coaching page says "looking for qualified head coaches..."
dirty jersey: that's us, right? I mean, they'd take us?
me: sure! I'll tell them, "I work with children. It's okay, I'm like a doctor."
dirty jersey: yeah, we'll put down: qualifications: master of astronomy.
Song of the Day: Wilco - Candy Floss
It's 1 am. In 6 hours, I'll board a plane to begin my two-week trip to Africa. I'm sitting in my office because I don't have internet at home. I biked here, because I decided to celebrate the imminent departure with a bottle of wine (a la nop.bot), and it's roughly 10,000 degrees outside in Tucson (yes, even in the middle of the night), so I'm dripping with sweat.
I find it easier to just stay up all night when I have to fly somewhere far away beginning early in the morning.
#2: okay, I have a story for you. wait, I should wait until you get back...
me: [assuming/hoping it's about a girl and grinning] umm... what?
#2: all right, I'll tell you know. so this friend of a friend of a friend, their grandfather studied birds in africa.
me: [realizing that it's not about a girl and I'm an idiot]
#2: so he gets kidnapped while he's there! it's by some tribe, and his family tries to get help, but the government isn't helping. finally, they find some official who will help ransom him back, and they pay like $2 million to get him back safely. he lived, but he was really sick for the rest of his life.
Mostly, I'm nervous about successfully meeting my friend in Johannesburg and getting eaten by hippos on our dugout canoe safari in Botswana. But I think it'll be okay. Today I bought a guidebook to Southern Africa, which I will read on the plane while I'm not embroidering my messenger-bag-patch.
I've been in need of an adventure. Let's see how this does.
(Pictured above is ginny, who recently departed on her own 3-month adventure to China. Of course, it's far more complicated than that, but I'll let you make your own assumptions.)
Song of the Day: Dispatch - Open Up
Tom Walbank, Al Foul, and Bob Log III (pictured above). All at Plush, my favorite bar.
We tried to explain how awesome this show was to someone who just moved here to Tucson...
#1 draft pick, bitches: best show in tucson, ever
me: well, calexico puts on the best tucson shows...
#1 draft pick, bitches: no. bob log is the greatest ever. and so's al foul. and tom walbank.
me: ok, maybe the 3 of them all at the same show together supercede calexico... but it's close.
#1 draft pick, bitches: whatever. You love Live.
In any case, it kicked ass. We could all use more helmet. I highly recommend that you check out Bob Log's videos on youtube. Most of his songs begin with ok: i'm gonna play this faster than the human mind can comprehend, or this song is perfect: everything that happens in this song is supposed to happen... damn, my shit is perfect... but you can't really understand him anyway, and he rocks out on the slide guitar.
Once again, everyone in Tucson was there. Oh, the vicious, vicious circle.
Song of the Day: Bob Log III - This Song is Perfect (Again)
I use my cell phone as an alarm. When I was setting it to try to get to work before noon, I discovered that I have two random voice-memo thingys on my phone, among my custom ringtones (which I uploaded using some internet tool, rather than the expensive ones offered by the cell phone company). I have no idea how to record things on my phone. How the messages got there is a complete mystery to me: but a gloriously self-entertaining mystery at that (i.e.: an [action]-story).
The 2nd of these is the saucy brute giving me advice about a girl. I explained this to nop.bot, and...
nopbot: July 8, 2006!
me: what??
nop.bot: that's when it happened. there was a bbq, and that's when [saucy brute] was giving you advice about [...]
I was impressed. And he's probably right that I was getting girl advice on that date. But unfortunately for nop.bot, saucy brute and I have "girl talk" (as she calls it) probably once a week or so... and I can't blame him for picking the wrong occasion.
The other one was a recorded phone conversation... apparently nop.bot called around noon on a Saturday and my girlfriend-at-the-time answered the phone. Only his voice is recorded, but there's some discussion about living in sin.
I highly support having random recordings of my life resurface in the future.
Song of the Day: The Shins - Those to Come
My birthday, and day 2 of the Nopey & Action Birthday Extravaganza Week. Wizard's Staff at Che's. In the photograph above, you may observe our grand instruments of magical compulsion. (The wizard with the longest staff gets to tell everyone else what to do.) While I was slightly disappointed that I was the only one who dressed according to the highest level of theme, at least several people showed up in theme-1 bandanas.There was muc
h wizard naming (i.e. Thuggothreenut, Rockoccolicious, Doc Cockulus, Carbonaut, etc.) and other assorted waving about of our glorious PBR constructs. I spent some time as the grand-master wizard, and thus was able to successfully deflect the nefarious wizard Felchencracken (at right) and his foul attempted namings.
Meanwhile the wizard Vomitus Inducius:
VI: hey [action], you want a shot?
me: uh... [pointing to my stack of 8 PBRs]
VI: all right, I'm buying you a shot!
Shortly afterward, Felchencracken finished his ninth PBR and I became known as Santorus Slurpus (left). It's a rough life, alas.
Final count: level 10 wizard, along with 2 shots. I also saw St Vincent, but I honestly can't say if the show was good or not. (Blue [above], who remained sober, said it was all right but kinda weird; while nop.bot, a solidly drunk level 8 wizard, said it was the worst show he's ever seen). Then blue met susan (my paddle), we talked canoeing for an hour or two, and I forced her to leave with Moby Dick.
Wizard's Staff may be the greatest drinking game ever.
Song of the Day: Neil Young - Keep on Rockin' in the Free World
Nop.bot's birthday, and day 1 of the Nopey & Action Birthday Extravaganza Week. The saucy brute and the diamond hosted a barbecue, complete with always-delicious saucy brute cakes. My favorite gift was the bottle of wine and box of chocolate meant for nop.bot and I to share (at some future man-date, I suppose).
me: I feel a little like I'm being taken advantage of, I mean, being drunk...
ginny: well, doesn't that come with the territory?
later:
me: hey, how do we figure out [an embarrassing personal attribute of a person not to be named]?
ginny: what!?! why do you want to know that!
me: umm... because we're awful people? there's sort of a bet, I mean, uh...
ginny: oh, I'm totally judging you. see this? I'm judging you now. this is my judging you look.
Song of the Day: CAKE - Open Book
I got this wedding invitation in the mail today. Not only was it personal and hand-written, but the bride-to-be also included a drawing of our favorite childhood animal. Best wedding invitation ever.
It was, however, a mistake to tell this to all the other bride-to-be's I know that are getting married soon.
Song of the Day: Elliott Brood - Riding in Time
I'm almost finished putting together my satchel-bag. What remains: the shoulder strap, the buckles (for which I'm using biners), some hemming... and a big fun patch for the flap. Above is basically what I want the patch to be. Problem is, I can't find such a patch anywhere I've looked. (If you know where to find it, let me know.) So I think I'll have to make it myself. Saucy brute took me shopping at a fabric store, and I think I've managed to get most of the required materials. And I think I'll get #1 to draw the template onto the fabric.
Now I just need to learn how to do the actual embroidery.
Song of the Day: Bouncing Souls - Kate is Great
Welcome to the 2nd post of its name, dedicated to the glories of the bike gang.
Oh oh! sweet bike gang: I love thee like PBR
Whilst your glory, I cry out
in thunder and wet-brake squelch.
Men both machined and firearm-ed
Stagnate helpless afore our might
While you and I, bike gang...
hand-in-handlebar...
Ride on through the night.
I didn't take any pictures, because I was too drunk. So while looking for something suitable, I found the above map to my old house. I don't live there anymore, so following it won't get you anywhere. It doesn't have much to do with the bike gang, really, save that the marked underpass is currently under construction and caused a couple of detours.
For more on the sweet, sweet glories of the bike gang, see here.
When you're so drunk you can't even focus with that random attractive girl who's trying to make conversation / get you to dance, even while she completely blows off your friend... you know it's a good night.
Song of the Day: Ted Leo & the Pharmacists - Me & Mia
I took all my puppy-raising books back to the library yesterday. I just don't think I can handle the drastic lifestyle change on my own. So to the the only close friend in the past few years who has actively encouraged my getting a puppy... not today, and probably not for a few more months, at least. Sorry. To everybody else... okay, maybe you're right. For now.
Alas, it's a catch-22. While puppies = great way to meet women, I don't think I could handle caring for one while I live alone. Of course, some good roommates would work too.
Song of the Day: Billy Bragg & Wilco - At My Window Sad and Lonely
Richey deChico. Avid golfer, recreational boxer, and all-around sporting sort. Resides in north Jersey. Proprietor of deChico & Sons Moving Company. Alleged ties to racketeering and organized crime, but no arrests or convictions.
Song of the Day: Ben Kweller - The Rules
I went to Vegas. It was the diamond's bachelor party.
woman of unnamed occupation: so who's the best man?
me: uh... uh... I guess that's me.
To see our gloriously fine suits, you'll have to make do with the picture above. Until we wear them again.
post-Vegas:
me: yeah, the trip was perfect, exactly what it was supposed to be: lots of glorious stupid masculinity. but it was starkly centering, too. I mean, it was like, okay, vegas is *not* my town. that's not who I am.
blue: is it anyone's town?
Song of the Day: Neil Young - On the Way Home
I stayed at work pretty late last night, till around closing time for the bars here in Tucson. This always makes for an entertaining bike ride home, since my route goes by most of the bar scene.
At an intersection with a separate bike line in the center, a car pulls up to me next to me.
the driver (slurred): hey! is that a cop car behind me?
me: um, no... that's a pickup truck.
the driver: okay, great.
She then peels out, jumping the curb into an illegal left turn.
I bike down through a two-lane underpass, and I'm immediately surrounded by 5-6 cars all zipping past me, laying on their horns and yelling to me and each other. I can't hear anything they're saying over their horns, but they seem pretty excited about it. Meanwhile, I'm figuring one of them is going to hit me, and I'm just wondering if it will be by accident or on purpose. Then a cop car pulls out from out of nowhere and slides into the middle of their pack. I'm thinking, okay, I guess I'm gonna witness a DUI bust... But the cop just drives along with them as they keep speeding, yelling, and laying on their horns. I'm not really sure what he was looking for.
I was pretty excited to get back to my quiet, pitch-dark, and very safe neighborhood street (above).
Song of the Day: The Clarks - Last Call
In college, I definitely strategically placed books and other items around my dorm room so that they could be noticed and used as conversation pieces. I still put some effort into arranging my bookshelf, with my more visible bookshelf (above) holding books-to-be-noticed, and my less visible shelf with the less interesting books. Far fewer random people come through my room than a dorm, of course, but I get pretty excited when someone sees my shelf and says, ooh! look!
Somehow, though, I still keep a bible on my shelf. Although it's not personally important like the London and Melville above it, it still seems too important in general to not be on the shelf.
On a completely separate note, I get very embarrassed when it's the day after I was really drunk, and, despite any previous conviction that PBR has magical properties and cannot cause post-drinking discomfort, I am extremely hungover. It's not that it was necessarily actually embarrassing: I think it's simply that I'm embarrassed to be hungover at all. Although it happens often enough.
Song of the Day: Wilco - In a Future Age (Alternate Take)
